When I moved to Chicago, I didn't have very high expectations. Seeing a few tall buildings, becoming close friends with Oprah, becoming a superhero, and saving the whole world. You know little things. What I didn't realize was that Chicago had plans for me as well. It wanted to shake me to my core, force me to experience things completely outside of my comfort zone, destroy the bubble that I have spent my life in that told me the world was safe and just most of the time, and then allow me to examine all of my beliefs and ideals in a new light that at times, I have truly hated.
It’s one thing to read about racism, sexism, ageism, etc. in books or magazine. It’s another thing to live in a city that doesn't hide any of them. I recently read a book Never a City So Real by Alex Kollwitz and it stated that Chicago was so “real” (pg. 158). It has all of these things, all the time, in plain sight, and yet people live in this world as if it is the norm. They know it is not okay, but it is the reality that they live in and they have to get by. Being an outsider and coming into this world saddens and angers me in ways that I never knew something could. At the end of the day, the worst part isn't the injustice; it’s the fact that the small things that I do will not change the system itself. These people will still face discrimination no matter what I do, but their determination to make the best of their lives brings tears to my eyes every day.
Even in the darkest places, you can find good in this city. In the homeless woman, who stopped me on the street corner, not to ask for money, but to make sure that I got home safely at night. And In the people who ride the bus, and offer their seats when they themselves can barely stand. In the drug dealers on the corner who smile in the mornings and say “Hello, have a great day” to complete strangers. Also in the woman at a local restaurant, who checks on me every so often to make sure that I am doing alright. In the people who always dig in their pocket for loose change to make sure everyone at the bus stop can pay their fare. In the elders that I visit, who are just happy to spend time with me and allow me into their homes and into their lives.
Having time to reflect these past weeks, Mr. Kollwitz is right. This place is real, because it shows the good and the bad, all the time, and the complexities that come along with them. It doesn't hide the fact that life is messy and cruel, but it also shows that people can survive despite of it. The past few weeks of my life have been tough, but I would not change a single moment. Chicago has taken my expectations and bulldozed them like an old abandoned apartment complex not fit to house even the lowest of the low. Despite all of the lows, somehow it has also replaced those expectations with more practical ones. Learning to live with ambiguity and leaning into my discomfort instead of running away has strengthened me. Instead of becoming a superhero, just learning to be present in the moment with the people around me, and realizing I can’t save the whole world on my own, I am becoming something greater, a better human being.
I am still watching for Ophrah though!
I am still watching for Ophrah though!
